"It's Fall Again", a short story by Drew Mantia

It's Wednesday at 8:30 AM. Julie wakes up in her dorm room bed, angered by the light that has found its way through the blinds to her eyes. Her roommate, Sarah, is also waking up at this time, not as much upset by the light as her stomach is upset. "Damn I'm hungover," says Julie. "Yeah", replied Sarah, "I think I took like 15 shots last night."

Julie has to get  across campus by 9 AM to begin her day of studying education- she wants to be a school teacher. Feeling too hung over for breakfast, Julie vomits one more time, slides on her UGG boots and heads out the door, sparking her first cigarette the moment she reaches the outside. It's that time of year again. The warmth has slowly died and the cold has crept in. At this very moment the college girls across the nation are sliding on their UGG boots and lighting up their cigarettes for their trek to class. Julie is not alone in this moment. Not on her campus, not in the whole U.S. 

As Julie walks, several male passersby catch the site of her.
Some think,
"Hmm, I could use a cigarette too."
Others think,
"I'd hit that."
Others decide,
"Man, Julie needs to lay off the drinking and late night Taco Bell. She's slipping. . .but I'd hit it. No, she needs to get on a diet or treadmill or something. . .I guess I'd still hit it "
But the majority in their minds think-
"Goddamn those boots are ugly."

. . .and right they were. Her boots were hideous. Some even wondered if UGG is short for UGG-LY. All they knew for certain was had they saw Julie's feet alone, they would have confused her for an Eskimo. A tacky Eskimo.

THE END

Mikey! He likes it!

Greatest Hits: Favorite Blogs from the Original Drewmantia.com/blog

Here are a few favorite posts from my original blog. . .

Lil Jon and T-Pain - One in the same?

I’m becoming convinced Lil Jon and T-Pain are the same person. First of all, just look at the visual similarities. Second, I find the production styles of their songs to be similar. Take a listen to some Lil Jon beats (popular circa 2005, remember? The ones with the guy yelling “what?” . . “yeah” . . “ok!”) and “Buy U a Drank.” If not the same style, I think you’ll at least notice some similarities in the instrument and drum sounds. Third, if you listen to the lyrics of “Buy U a Drank” (the only song I’ve ever heard that’s actually by T-Pain as the main artist) you’ll hear several Lil Jon references: “crunk juice” (refer to the picture above), Patron (known to be Lil Jon’s preferred liquor, referenced in several songs), and “snap yo fingers. . .you can do it all by yourself” (lyrics from the Lil Jon song “Snap Yo Fingers”). My theory can be boiled down to a simple algebraic equation:

T-Pain+(fake grill+goofy outfit)-(autotuned vocals+hit songs in the last 3 years)=Lil Jon

Is T-Pain the resurfacing of past hit maker Lil Jon? Sure turned out to be a good career move.

MILF

Brown Sugar Meatloaf

If My Life Were a Movie #1

What do you notice about this picture? I notice myself and my good friend Ryan Marquez having a good time at the club this past New Years. Someone on Facebook decided to comment on this picture, letting us know what he noticed: 7:19pm on January 9th, 2008 Drew's shirt matches Ryan's hat.. it's like they planned it or something. We did not plan it. I sense a smart ass. In deciding how to respond to this incident I thought of scenario that might occur if my life were a movie (as I do in many situations). A movie solution is without consequences and can include some cool action and a cheesy punch line. My life is not a movie, so I took the real-world approach and commented back on the photo with a smart ass, awkward comment with some homosexual implications (about Ryan and I, not the offender). That’ll show ‘em! But if my life were a movie. . . I would show up to a large party and upon entering and mingling I would spot this guy across the room. He’d be wearing a red shirt (remember this, it’s important). He would notice me eyeing him and begin to approach me. The entire room would split like the Red Sea as we slowly and cockily stepped towards each other with our entourages behind us (I doubt this guy has an entourage, but I’ll give him one in the film version). We would exchange some cheesy dialogue and he would step over the line with another smart-ass comment. I would punch him so hard his nose would break and his legs would fly out from under him. While he laid on the floor, bleeding from the nose and on the verge of tears, I would step over him and say “Now your face matches your shirt. . .did you plan that?” and nonchalantly walk away. THE END.